---BBS'ing--- A bad day BBSing is better than a good day at work. A fool and his money soon becomes a SysOp. "Any Moderators here?" <> "Any more?" "Not tonight honey... I have a modem." A modemer's telephone bill knows no bounds.... BBSing is terminal. Bored at 3:00 a.m.? PSSSTTT - got a modem? CRUISING: 19200bps modem and 0.5bps fingers! Drop your carrier... we have you surrounded! I believe in The Divine Right of SysOps. If money talks, Being a SysOp is pretty quiet! ---Computers--- Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight. 90% of computer problems are located between the keyboard and the chair. 1024x768x256... Sounds like one MEAN woman! # of Pentiums required to screw in lightbulb = .999999999 "Home" is where the computer is plugged in! (A)bort (R)etry (F)ail (S)how furry GIF (A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it Computer (com-pyoo-ter) n.-Incredibly fast idiot! Computers run on smoke. If it leaks out they won't work. ERROR: CPU not found GUI: Grab the User In-the-face Hi, my name is Annie Key. Please don't hit me! I wish life had a scroll-back buffer..... IBM - Making Tomorrow's Mistakes Today!!! IBM = Ice Box Machines I parked my harddisk - and got a ticket! Old MacDonald had a computer, with EIA I/O... (Unregistered) <-- World's most popular tagline. ---Microsoft--- "If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - B Gates (Dos + Windows + ATM) < OS/2 2.1! 42?! 7.5 million years and all y-- oh, you were running Windows ... And there were plagues of locusts, and frogs, and MS-DOS, and Windows. Anti-Windows Taglines - Windows Errors! Bill G. says run DOS. Bill G. says run Windows. Format C:. Gotcha!! Bill Gates cannot take his riches to Heaven (Thank God!). Don't buy anything from Microsoft with .0 on the end!!! Dos: Venerable. Windows: Vulnerable. OS/2: Viable. Hey Bill, I've upped my standards to OS/2. Now UP YOURS! Microsoft is suing Apple 'cause they have employees too. OLE can't - PnP won't - Microsoft shouldn't OS/2 Virus Scanner: WIN Virus found [R]emove or [R]emove? Rumour: NT means Not Tested ViruScan detects Windows/NT. Remove (Y/N)? Warning, lamer approaching, answers to the name of Bill Gates. Win, lose; Fast, Slow; Is good, looks pretty; OS/2, Win 3.1 Windows 95 - From the people who brought you EDLIN. Windows Error: 001 - Windows loaded. System in danger. Windows Error: 002 - No error yet ... Windows Error: 004 - Operator fell asleep while waiting. Windows Error: 007 - System price error. Inadequate money spent. Windows Error: 010 - Reserved for future mistakes Windows Error: 015 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door. Windows Error: 061 - WIN.COM not found - type WIN for exit ... Windows Error: 089 - You can't Low Level Format your HDD so there! Windows Error: 103 - Windows detected running on system Windows Error: 123 - Windows not found -=Use Real Operating System=- Windows Error: 132 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance Windows: Multicrashing, OS/2: Multitasking, Win NT: MultiSleeping Air-conditioned environment... do NOT open Windows. Anti-Mickeys of the world: Unite Best way to accelerate Windows? Throw it harder...! Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore.... Can I call you Ms. Dos? DEVICEHIGH: Your device driver on drugs. Difference between a virus & windows? Viruses never fail. DisneyLand: A people trap operated by a mouse. Does Microsoft mean small and limp? ERROR 0143: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door. Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. Friends don't let friends use WinME. Have time to waste? Get Microsoft Windows 98! He who laughs last is probably not using Windows. I used to have a life, then I got Windows 2000. We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. ---Star Trek--- Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head? Beam me up Scotty. This isn't the men's room. Captain please, not in front of the Klingons. Damnit Jim, she's dead! Get off of her! Damnit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a tagline. (Dr. McCoy) Energize! said Picard and the pink bunny appeared... He's ALIVE, Jim. Where did I go wrong? He's dead, Jim. Cripes! Only 73$ & a box of Tic Tacs! He's dead, Jim. Funny-looking phaser... It says 'CNN'. He's dead, Jim. Poor devil. Grab his pitch fork, too. He's dead Jim, Spock took his tricorder, I got his spleen. He's dead, Jim. That helmet's a pretty blue. The UART's won't take this speed, Captain Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes. "Data! I thought you were dead!" "No, Sir. I rebooted." "Engineering is easy, it's reading Klingon that's hard" Scotty "Fire, Mr. Worf!" "He did too much LDS in the 60's." -Kirk to Gillian (ST4) "He thinks in 2 dimensions; I think in 3." (Kirk - ST 2) "I'll play fair if I get to make up the rules." -- Q "Q wants to do something 'nice' for me." "I'll alert the crew." "Telepathy is minding someone else's business." -- Luxwana Troi "This is Worf, our security officer. Would you like to beat him up?" "Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc... you're dead." - Q "Captain, we're being hailed" A coin. Good. I will replicate one immediately. - Data Confused? Call Counselor Troi, 0055-NCC-1701, Max 50c for 21s. Drive not ready E: (R)etry (G)o to Impulse (C)all Geordi I DO NOT...I do not yell. -- Worf If Data locks himself out of a room is that a data entry error? My other ship has a cloaking device. My other vehicle is a galaxy class starship. Now, how does Wesley save THIS universe? Oh, no. Borg taglines again :-). This isn't reality. This is fantasy. * Uhura Transporter room, beam that Tagline up immediately! You green blooded, inhuman...* McCoy `:-| "Fascinating, Captain!" - Spock I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to ... ooh, donuts! "This is Butthead of Borg, ass elimination is COOL!" Beavis and Butthead of Borg: "Resistance sucks!" I am Porky Pig of Borg. Prepare to be assimi..asisim..to I am 1st Reader of Borg. Conference truncated to 20 lett I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be.. oohhh Donut. .. I am Shakespeare of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be. I am Pentium of Borg. Division is Futile. I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated Borg Simpson: Assimilate my shorts Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor not a tagline writer! Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a Computer Programmer! Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a Computer Repairman! Dammit Bones, I'm a captain, not a doctor! Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a tagline writer. Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a doctor! Hey, wait a minute Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor not a Tagline Klingon DOS: That command or file name has no *honour*! Vulcan DOS: Illogical command or file name. Ferengi DOS: Unprofitable command or file name. Borg DOS 6.0 Assimilate drive C:? (Y)es, (O)k or (F)ine BORG-DOS V5.01, Assimilating next revision. Scotty! Beam me aboard! Aye sir! Will a 2x4 do? "Beam me aboard, Scotty!" "A 2x4, sir?" Scotty, I've fallen and I can't beam up! That's real funny Scotty. Now beam up the clothes too! Don't beam me up yet Scotty! I'm having a sh..i...i....i Beam me up, Scotty, This planet sucks! Beam me up, Scotty, but leave the others here. Very funny Scotty - now beam up my clothes. Capt'n! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse! Transporters are down, we'll have to fax you there. Capt'n, the UARTs cannae take this Speed! * - Tribble . - Tribble with a haircut * * * - Tribbles ë ë ë - Hari Krishna tribbles (*) (*) --- Tribbles with shields up. * * * - Tribbles ' ' ' - Tribbles after the wash Dances With Tribbles: Stomp SQUEAK Stomp SQUEAK He's alive, Jim. Should I shoot him again? He's dead Jim. You get his tricorder, I'll get his wallet He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged. He's dead, Jim ... Kick him if you don't believe me S/He's dead, Jim...uummh..are you as hungry as I am? He's a potato Jim!, Let's gouge out all of his eyes Boldly going Forward because we can't find Reverse! Boldly going where no modem has gone before... "This is Radio 1 FM." - Quick Mr. Worf close the bloomin' hailing frequencies. "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye captain, 300 dpi?" Hailing frequencies open Mr. Worf. - "Hi, this is Steve Wright on Radio 1 FM." Mr. Worf, set phasors on spin dry. (Ice rocks hit the hull) Captain, we are being hailed. Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek. Star Trek XXVII - The Search for Shatner's Teeth. Clones are people two. Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym. Never violate the prime directory! C:\ Data, I thought you were dead! No, sir, I rebooted DATA COMPRESSION..What You Get When You Squish An Android Captain, Permission to hook up blender attachments to Mr Data. Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most interesting I am programmed in multiple pleasuring techniques. "A Warrior does NOT steal taglines." - Worf Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head? What!!! I'm missing Star Tre*(%$#zNO CARRIER There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm) Phasers on "Blow the crap out of 'em"... FIRE! A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice. To hell with the prime directive, let's kill something. We come in peace. Shoot to kill. Oh no not again. That Holodeck is always breaking down. - Picard. { }<----Romulan Tagline (cloaked) ---Star Wars---- "General, prepare your troops for a surface attack." - Darth Vader "Hurry up, goldenrod, or you're going to be a permanent resident!" - Han "Laugh it up, fuzzball!" - Han "R2 has been known to make mistakes.......from time to time." - C3PO "Someday you're going to be wrong. I just hope I'm there to see it."- Leia "Take you to him I will, yes!"-- Yoda "You can dispense with the pleasentries, Admiral.."--Darth Vader "You said you wanted to be around when I made a mistake." - Han ---Facts of Life--- A clean, neat, desk is a sign of a sick mind. A day without sunshine is like night. A Dirty Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste. A mind is a terrible thing to... I forget... Despite the cost of living, it remains popular. Don't take life seriously - won't get out alive! I took an IQ test and the results were negative. I'm on a 30 day diet. So far I've lost about two weeks... I.R.S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. The earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can. Success comes in a can. Failure comes in a can not. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.