• rules for bands

    From Richard Webb@1:116/901 to all on Fri Feb 25 04:06:34 2011

    Since it seems we actually have some lurkers at least, btw,
    from the moderator, thanks for popping up and saying hi,
    this will give you a laugh.

    POsted by a sound reinforcement provider buddy of mine on
    usenet:

    RULES FOR BANDS

    -Never start a trio with a married couple.
    -Your manager's not helping you. Fire him/her.
    -Before you sign a record deal, look up the word 'recoupable' in the dictionary.
    -No one cares who you've opened for...
    -A string section does not make your songs sound any more important.
    -If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to break up. -When you talk on stage you are never funny.
    -If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music. "Oh does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?"
    -Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk. Don't do it. -Don't say your video's being played if it's only on community TV.
    -When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever. Mention 'artistic freedom' and 'a guaranteed 3 record deal'.
    -When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go.
    -Never name a song after your band.
    -Never name your band after a song.
    -When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.
    -Never enter a Battle Of The Bands contest. If you do you're already a loser. -Learn to recognise scary word pairings: rock opera, white rapper, blues jam, swing band, open mike etc.
    -Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both. -Listen, either break it to your parents or we will - it's rock 'n' roll, not a
    soccer game. They've gotta stop coming to your shows.
    -It's not a 'showcase'. It's a gig that doesn't pay.
    -No one cares that you have a MySpace page.
    -Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.
    -Don't hire a publicist.
    -Playing a gig that requires an overnight stay somewhere doesn't mean you're on
    tour.
    -Don't join a cover band that plays Bush songs. In fact, don't join a cover band.
    -Although they come in different styles and colours, electric guitars all sound
    the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?
    -Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what girlfriends/boyfriends are for.
    -If you need a smoke machine your music sucks.
    -We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your parents got for Christmas.
    -Remember, if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them?
    -If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it. You may never know where or when it will turn up.
    -Cut your hair, but do not shave your head.
    -Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow.
    -Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat.
    -Rock oxymoron's; major label interest, demo deal, blues genius, $500 guarantee
    and Fastball's second hit.
    -3 things that are never coming back: gongs, headbands and playing slide guitar
    with a beer bottle.


    Regards,
    Richard
    --- timEd 1.10.y2k+
    * Origin: (1:116/901)
  • From Crystal Walters@1:261/220 to Scott Brown on Thu Mar 3 01:35:17 2011
    -When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, b looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.

    rofl.. that would have been Rick, he was the first drummer in the second b I played in. He used to whine that no one would listen to his ideas, and wanted to know why they listened to my ideas when I was the newest member the band. He was replaced soon after that.. he didn't like being told drum were a dime a dozen by Wayne (who was our lead singer) so he quit.

    I dunno, it seems to work ok for Rush. Tho why did Phil Collins have to take over Genesis?? WHY GOD WHY!?!?! Sorry. That happens sometimes. *zips it*

    ... Zealots have fanatical tendencies.

    --- Renegade v1.18/Alpha
    * Origin: The Realms of Blue BBS - blues.zapto.org (1:261/220)
  • From Scott Brown@1:261/220 to Crystal Walters on Thu Mar 3 11:06:38 2011
    Hi Crystal,

    -When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, b looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.

    rofl.. that would have been Rick, he was the first drummer in the second b I played in. He used to whine that no one would listen to his ideas, and wanted to know why they listened to my ideas when I was the newest member the band. He was replaced soon after that.. he didn't like being told drum were a dime a dozen by Wayne (who was our lead singer) so he quit.

    I dunno, it seems to work ok for Rush. Tho why did Phil Collins have to ta over Genesis?? WHY GOD WHY!?!?! Sorry. That happens sometimes. *zips it*

    Oh, don't get me wrong, there are people who play the drums, then there are drummers. I really didn't like seeing Rick go, he was a great guy and was a decent drummer, but the new drummer we got (Chris was his name, but we called him Skins) was the best drummer we ever had.

    Scott....

    ... Eye of newt, toe of frog, and a side order of fries

    --- Renegade v1.18/Alpha
    * Origin: The Realms of Blue BBS - blues.zapto.org (1:261/220)
  • From Crystal Walters@1:261/220 to Richard Webb on Fri Feb 25 20:11:52 2011
    this will give you a laugh.

    Strangelyenough, every last word is true!

    ... I, myself, AM strange and unusual...

    --- Renegade v1.18/Alpha
    * Origin: The Realms of Blue BBS - blues.zapto.org (1:261/220)
  • From Scott Brown@1:261/220 to Richard Webb on Fri Feb 25 22:17:17 2011
    Hey Richard,

    -Never name your band after a song.

    lol.. we did that.. "Nuthin Fancy" was the name of our band.

    -When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, b looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.

    rofl.. that would have been Rick, he was the first drummer in the second band I played in. He used to whine that no one would listen to his ideas, and wanted to know why they listened to my ideas when I was the newest member of the band. He was replaced soon after that.. he didn't like being told drummers were a dime a dozen by Wayne (who was our lead singer) so he quit.

    -No one cares that you have a MySpace page.

    lol.. there was no MySpace when I played in a band..

    -3 things that are never coming back: gongs, headbands and playing slide guitar with a beer bottle.

    LOL.. I'm heading to get a beer out of the fridge right now!

    I enjoyed reading that.. thanks!

    Scott....

    ... My mind isn't always in the gutter - sometimes it comes out to feed.

    --- Renegade v1.18/Alpha
    * Origin: The Realms of Blue BBS - blues.zapto.org (1:261/220)
  • From Richard Webb@1:116/901 to Crystal Walters on Sat Feb 26 13:31:31 2011
    HEllo Crystal,

    On Fri 2039-Feb-25 20:11, Crystal Walters (1:261/220) wrote to Richard Webb:

    this will give you a laugh.

    Strangelyenough, every last word is true!
    YEp, it sure is.

    ... I, myself, AM strange and unusual...

    AS is this old man. Glad to see this place getting a little action once in awhile <grin>.


    Regards,
    Richard
    --- timEd 1.10.y2k+
    * Origin: (1:116/901)
  • From Richard Webb@1:116/901 to Scott Brown on Sat Feb 26 13:39:48 2011
    HI Scott,

    On Fri 2039-Feb-25 22:17, Scott Brown (1:261/220) wrote to Richard Webb:

    -Never name your band after a song.

    lol.. we did that.. "Nuthin Fancy" was the name of our band.

    NEver done that one, in over thirty years of it <grin>.
    KNew some that did.

    -When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, b looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.

    rofl.. that would have been Rick, he was the first drummer in the
    second band I played in. He used to whine that no one would listen
    to his ideas, and wanted to know why they listened to my ideas when
    I was the newest member of the band. He was replaced soon after
    that.. he didn't like being told drummers were a dime a dozen by
    Wayne (who was our lead singer) so he quit.

    tHey are, but good ones are rare. I'm probably pickier
    about the rhythm section's heart than most anything else.
    I'm one of these guys that's a stickler for doing the proper things because they work, i.e. drummer pulls back a little
    bit and plays the closed hats during verses, and maybe,
    depending on the arrangement might switch to the ride during the bridge, etc.

    -No one cares that you have a MySpace page.

    lol.. there was no MySpace when I played in a band..

    NOpe, me neither. But, had there been I'm sure somebody
    would have used it as a promotional attempt.

    -3 things that are never coming back: gongs, headbands and playing slide guitar with a beer bottle.

    LOL.. I'm heading to get a beer out of the fridge right now!

    Seen all sorts of things used for that one, shot glass works too.


    Regards,
    Richard
    --- timEd 1.10.y2k+
    * Origin: (1:116/901)